Day 7: Yesterday vs. Today 6/15

I woke up today feeling good and ready. Yesterday was sadly much more different, yet at the same time it did make me re-realize how great I have it.
Jeremy left for Japan two, now three days ago and i'm having a really hard time coping with it. I mean of course I miss him and love him to no end, but I also have this unexplainable soaring anxiety about him being on this trip. The sad thing is it doesn't make a lot of sense that I can say that I both love him and get panic attacks from him basically enjoying his life and having fun. I hope he never reads this. This used to be a really bad problem to the point where he couldn't handle it anymore and we had really bad arguments about it, I honestly got about 98% better and super cool again, but I guess the 2% manifested the last few days and took over my life.
This time around Jeremy is extremely understanding, and I, may I add, am also very pure hearted as well. Also, today is notably our 87th day since our relationship was saved :-)

I think what i'm try to say is that even though yesterday was downright horrible where I cried three times at work where the DON had to say something, I have amazing people. I sound like a broken record, but I really do. Coworkers asked if I was okay, which is so simple, but also so necessary and meaningful to me. Jeremy called me, Chasity was super worried and encouraging, and Penny and Chae really took care of me and helped me to forget all the bad things.

To put it bluntly, I spent a lot of yesterday when I wasn't fucked up trying to think about what's wrong with me; where I went wrong and where i'm not like a regular human being. Simply put, my brain spends all its time thinking about Jeremy, what i'm missing out and what he's doing, how happy he is with other people compared to me. #1, I need to stop this deadly comparison game, and #2 I don't think its normal or healthy for me to be constantly thinking about this. I need to train my mind to think like a human and just kind of forget about those things, in one ear and out the other. I feel so guilty towards Jeremy, he's just trying his best for me.
I'm trying my best for him too.

On a way more positive note.. I know I can do this, no doubt in my mind. I've never failed and I don't plan to now :-) I saved my amazon unboxing for this morning just in case I felt down. I have so many things to look forward to.. I got this!!